Delight in simple things!

00:27 |

my heart is in pain. and i'm probably going to cry myself to bed tonight. I just can't take the stress and pressure anymore.

i let my thoughts out and i knew i was never going to get it easy. telling the best friend of the decision is the worst step to take and no...ziwei, it isn't what you said. I don't want to lose the best friends in hall coz I think they are the most wonderful people after staying 3 years with them. but I'm just regretting the decision of taking up the hall's 30th anniversary comm. Hate me, scream at me, scold me, call me irresponsible...

I've told Lixuan about it... and yes of course expected her answers. I've been thinking of all the possible solutions about it and I just cannot let choir go. And this is something which I hold dear to for the past 11 years of my life. I just cant find the same motivation as I can for choir.

I regret it. I haven't done a single thing for the events and this is going to be letting the comm down alr. I know I will never be able to live up to expectations and wont be able to get the things needed. I know i need to start somewhere, I know I have to do it. I know I will get it done someday. But it'll be too late. And I definitely do not know who to ask for help. I am ashamed of telling the chair because he has too many things to handle. But i really do not want to do it anymore. I've really no motivation. and even if i do it, it will be because I am just the shell doing what it has to do and with no heart. I hate it. I will just die doing it. Selfishness. Thats the new me. But I think with this selfishness, Im more carefree, to leave others to die. I'm not like that...why why why..i really don't want to...but isn't it time to really just study!!

Today's release of results is another consequence of doing too many things at the same time. Stupidity.

I'm really sad and I don't know what to do...Escaping and quitting is the easiest way out. I really have no idea. tell me!!

The decision has long been made. My love for choir is there and to sacrifice and do things for it is easy. But to do for hall, it's never been the case. I can just not go to the meeting coz of choir and of caroling. And I don't feel the urgency to know what is going to happen or what was discussed. And when I finally go to the meeting someday, I dont know what is going on. I feel left out. And really dread going for the meetings. I admit I spend more time with the choir people. but that's coz its really great company. I feel in the hall comm its more of lets just get it done and go! And theres more and more arrows coming my way. I shall just accept it. More work to do.

I have let the comm down and thats it. I dont know how to pick up from here.

I'm such a failure...

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02:15 |

I'm struggling.

With too many things on my plate.

I want to let something go and that's troubling me...for those who have been concerned! Thank you!

I've talked to Ziwei about it and she said if they are my friends they would let me...But I'm just feeling so bad. I really have no choice. If I were to choose, of course something that makes me happy and something that I would think benefits the ones I love. I don't know how to bring this across to the people. I'm going to be hated and there goes my friendship with so many. I'm going to seem irresponsible and all...but these few days at home allowed me to realise my life isn't just about that. I have so many more things I want to do. And it just doesn't give me the time to take on something I have to love coz I'm in it. I must admit, it was a rash decision. And I thought I could drop something and take on that. But I can't. My love for choir is always there and it won't change.

And since I'm in charge of caroling, I have been staring at the rosters day in and out. I'm stressed at it coz I want things to go well and perfectly well!! But its just impossible. And worried that some places just don't have that good singers and would feel scary. We should be making music and not damage control! And when I tell ( ), he says "trust in God. He will provide." Of course...but God did say "He who helps himself!" If we don't do something, there's nothing God will do...

And another says "what is the concern here?" duh...can't you see the problem???

Anyway, its getting on my nerves and I thought I'd take it easy this year. Say it once again - NO MORE NEXT YEAR! But everytime i say it, I do it again...

Results out tmr. I will make a decision tmr... And if that is going to hurt the rest of the people in hall..I'm sorry. Going to be selfish once again. And if that means to leave hall, I'm prepared. I have nothing more to hold on. Sorry...

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My life has changed a bit and some decisions are being changed of the recent events lately...Dinners with some people just can make me reflect on my life. I mean, I know I am such, but I don't want to carry on like this...

And with someone suddenly treating me so nice ever, is causing me to lose my logical sense in me. I found the courage to love once again. And I hope it doesn't back fire...as always...It seems but yet it doesn't. And no, nothing is confirmed. It's only my feelings that is causing me to falter...

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This post is depressing. And so am I. I don't know what to do...

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10:13 |

Lovely song that Yuko posted on Facebook! Well, the lead guy didn't get the girl in the end...

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Have been studying for the upcoming exams with many people!

Mon: Alone at home

Tues: Out having fun with Change friends :) Wii at Safra Game Haven, Clarke Quay

Wed: With the choir people - Mich, Seng Hong and later on, Chemin, Peimin, Gabriel at PS foodcourt.

Thurs: With Huifang at Boat Quay Macs. Great place :)

Fri: With lovely Michelle and Peimin at Cathay Starbucks and PS foodcourt :)

Sat: I'm off to Spinelli Harbourfront later to study with Michelle :)

As what Chooi Sum always says on my facebook: Don't watch the world go by ah!

But I guess I learnt much about the world for the past few days...not that I didn't know. But I know more now...

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00:15 |

I'm back to an emo self again. I guess it's coz of the much hyper week I had, which was totally not the usual week.

Lack of sleep = tired = running wild imaginations

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I kept thinking of many things today, feeling emo over things which I shouldn't be now. And I don't know why I'm worrying about it! Maybe I have figured out somethings that I really want in life. It's just uncertain. Even the things that I was affirmative about just got me all wavering again.

One of it was going Europe with nooschoir.

I was sure and confirmed that I do not want to go. But that a few weeks ago.

Today, I feel like I want to be with them. Am I feeling this way after having so much fun with them over the week that I really do not want to miss out on it again? Or is it coz of someone/people/other reason that I'm thinking that way?

I already told myself that I can't go! And I should just STOP thinking about it!

1. No money (~$2.5k) And my parents are definitely not going to support me with the finances. They already told me that when I wanted to go Hangzhou this July. I paid for almost the full expenses of HZ (~$1.5k).

2. Time is not a factor. If I want, I definitely can juggle just as how I did this summer hols. But there are other factors branching out from here.

- Internship. I really want to do another intern. Esp HR side. Would I be able to find a company so accommodating that i can take leave in between in June?

- Hall. There's lots of planning to do for 30th events!

- Travelling. I dread travelling back to school for practices :( sadly to say...

3. Family. I wanted to keep the europe experience to be with them...

4. Meetings. I would still be in the comm and have to attend all those late night meetings. I don't want. I want to JUST SING!

And would I waver again if people tell me they want me to go? I don't know what is my deciding factor this time. To even think about it means I haven't closed the case in my own mind. I'm still giving myself a chance I guess.

But I really love singing and performing! And competing of course. Travelling with choir this time would probably be my last since I may not be able to travel when I start working...And it's the people who are going...

I'm torn.

And why am I thinking about this now?? Closing date is in Jan coz paper work and all has to be settled. But I definitely can't make a decision by then!

- Where am I going to get the money?

- Can I find a company by then for my intern??

- Would I regret going/not going?

Darn..I hate being in such a situation..someone tell me how :(

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And I'm getting really bitchy while writing my reflection paper for one of the modules. I write as though the person is very bad. I shall be nice and cut down on it. So much for being honest.

Will continue writing the reflection paper tmr. Oh yah..and even so, I have to be politically correct for that paper...

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Gab sent us the music files from Chambers' Concert last week. O Nata Lux by Morten Lauridsen is on my iTunes repeat! Lovely :)

Love this sem's Chamber Singers and I'm missing them now :(

This is the best module I've ever taken and I'm so glad we can be "alumni" for it :)

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I guess I'll be blogging more for the next few days :) Shall be updating the surprise parties soon :) And many other things!

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I should be studying :X

Leaving you with a pic which I'm using for all my profiles :)

Thanks to JoelYeo for his good photog skills :)

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00:14 |

Surprise 4: Joel's actual 22nd birthday surprise!

13 Nov 2009, his place

Setup: 11pm-12am (12 Nov)

Actual: 12-1am

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03:55 |

Surprise 2: Shazana's 21st birthday surprise!

7 Nov 2009, her place

Setup: 8-10pm

Actual: 10-11pm

Shaz was suppose to have her 21st birthday party! However, her mum was injured and the party was cancelled.

Zhen called me up that night while I was at grandparent's place and asked if I was keen to go and surprise Shaz! Of course lah!! Best friend leh :) And it was so exciting!

I met zhen at Geylang East Library after Dad dropped me off there. And we went SHOPPING! I left house with only my phone coz grandparent's place only! So had to borrow money and ez-link from mum! :X

Zhen and I went shopping for candles and decorations! Dianne was to get the flowers. But while shopping, we saw flower seeds! I told Zhen "why don't we just give her the flower seeds! It'll last her a very long time! Coz I don't think she'll grow them :X"

But well, of course we didn't :)

We headed off to Shaz's place. She was suppose to be home after 9+pm when the visiting hours at SGH was over. So we safely thought no one was at home.

Zhen and I started to decorate, play with the blue streamers we bought and took photos. We talked at our normal voice! Then Zhen said she heard noises from inside the house, but quite softly. We ignored.

We went to the staircase landing to place the candles onto the Renaldo's Strudel we bought as the cake. Normal cakes would melt by the time we reached Shaz's place.

I called Shaz as a decoy. Like to just ask how is she, what is she doing, where was she. And she was at home watching National Treasure! That means whatever we were doing outside just now, she may have heard! We were so worried that she would suddenly open the door coz we already put the streamers on it!

Dianne and Kenneth came soon after and blew balloons! Before that, little boys ran up and down the stairs and a family came down. They "shhhh"ed the ang mo guy that was with them as he was saying "oh wow! A surprise!" And yes, Shaz could almost hear!

We were ready! And put balloons at her doorstep.

Coz the wind was blowing so great and the streamers were too hard to take off (actually its just that Shaz has no skill :X), so she blew her candles from behind the door!

Surprised she was :)

Oh yes, her sister and her heard the noise that zhen and I made while decorating and saw the flash from the camera but thought it was lightning and she was lazy to go out to check. So thank goodness you didn't!! If not, the surprise wouldn't have been a surprise anymore :D

And the lovely girl had many pics :)

It's been ages since we last met and I'm so glad we could be there for your 21st :)

Happy Birthday Shaz :)

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03:53 |

Surprise 1: Joel's early 22nd birthday surprise!

5 Nov 2009, CFA

Actual: 10-11pm

Happy Birthday Masketeer!

He's so lucky to have such a lovely girlfriend who masterminded the birthday surprise with michyyeoh! The idea of appearing from behind the whiteboard after the birthday song was just an ingenious idea! Just that the guy was slow and only saw her name on the whiteboard and didn't realise she was there! Surprise! Coz he wasn't expecting her :)

Lovely Heartshaped balloons that didn't blow to look like them :)

Lovely birthday cake baked by the girlfriend!

Lovely people who stayed to celebrate his very early birthday!

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03:50 | Labels: Birthday Celebration

It's the Little Things

The above song lyrics just make my heart melt! Especially the chorus.

It's the little things that we share, the love and joy that's in the air

I'm really thankful for friends, family and all who love me! Just this week alone, from last Thurs, to this Thurs, I was part of 4 very special surprise birthday parties! And I felt natural happiness from it :)

I really want to record it all down and play it when I'm old and show my grandchildren how happy my life is with so many lovely people! And how haps my life was :)

It's 245am now. And I'm suppose to be sleeping. but of course, feelings come at very weird times of the day!! And always when I'm supposed to be doing something else, especially sleeping. I'm waiting for Peimin's birthday videos to be loaded to facebook :) Already loaded 4 and waiting for the last 2 to be up! Somehow, it's faster at this time. Of course, when everyone else is sleeping!

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the following surprised people - Joel, Shaz and Peimin :) You all are loved and treasured by me :) And the rest of course!

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Edit: Posts are all uploaded separately :)

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01:43 |

I'm suppose to be doing my script for tmr's (rather, later at 3pm) OB presentation. Done with the ppt :) SO HAPPY! I love doing ppts and that it looks presentable enough :) Don't like doing content though. Anyway, it's with Chantal now so, staying awake to keep her company as she does the last edits.

Anyway, I'm sure there's time to fork out to write this little note :)

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Thank you Willy for the very loving and heartwarming lesson this morning during bible class :)

He taught from Ps 142. And about how David didn't have a friend when he was in the time of need. We should be a friend to someone and show them love and care. Even when they are not seen often around us.

When he said, you should have everyone's email add, hp, facebook etc. Any little way that can connect with the rest of the class is good. And yet, I realised I don't even have Debra's (who sits beside me every week) contact details! :(

He said he wanted everyone in class to do something different during service:

- Sit with someone you never, or haven't sat with for a long time

- Talk to someone you haven't spoken to in a long while

- SMS someone to ask how is he/she

- Send your love

And I think it's just God-send. God has it all planned out for us!

I was telling Dad at dinner about what Willy taught and what he told us to do. Dad was appalled and I guess God is just all around us! :)

- I sat with someone I really did not know previously and never spoke to her before. She is Pauline, Ruiqi's cousin. Even though I couldn't teach her much, but I made friends with her :) I hope she comes back again! :)

- I was to meet OB group mates - Hf, Sara, Kevin, Chantal and Wenjie at Raffles Place MRT. And I casually asked Ben (benjamin) after class if he was going back to SMU for project. And he was! So dad and mum gave us a lift to the MRT after service (without lunch :X). And we took the train. Having company for the train ride was so much better! No hunger too! :) Really caught up much with him! He's going France SEP for 7 months next year :( Gonna miss you Ben!

- Just as Willy said, In a world of technology, all of us have the most basic form of communication - the Cell phone. Immediately, I got an SMS from my dearest friend Lawrence who was in the same classroom as i was just probably a metre away..."how are you????" but that's nice enough :)

- Sent my love to:

Willy - Thanking him for the lesson today!

Dinah - For missing her.

Thank God for friends and showering His many blessings on me! :)

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When I got off the train at Raffles Place, I was really hungry :X and so I took a walk around Raffles Place MRT to find the nearest Macs. But I detoured a bit knowing I won't get there yet. Oh i reached there at 1pm when my meeting was at 2pm. So lots of time to walk around. I walked to One Raffles Quay and One Marina Boulevard - Mostly offices so it was deserted! Just for some cleaners and security guards.

After much walking, I gave up. Went to grab Mr Bean. That was the only thing opened! Besides 7-11. And casually asked the cashier where the nearest Macs was. She directed me and TADA! I was at the Clarke Quay Riverside Macs!

I went up and sat down. It was nice and cozy :) Really a great place to study! just that I can't use my laptop coz there's no powerplug :(

Soon my group mates came and we migrated away from the window I was looking out earlier.

Ben and I were constantly msg-ing each other, chatting about our group mates and how I couldn't find the macs etc. He was doing his project rehearsal too! But the group was just not agreeing. And I thought my OB group was worse. Oh well, for once, I didn't quarrel with Kevin today! So not too bad...But when they said we got to write the conclusion together, I almost fainted :x more wasting time!

I jokingly replied Ben - Save me!

And this was our conversation:

Ben: I come fetch you la haha.

Me: Huh! You at proj meeting also leh! No need lah!!

Ben: No la I can leave school then come find u. Nt very far. Half hour? Haha want or not?

Me: Hahahha!! If you want :) I don't mind!

Ben: K set coming now haha

Me: No no!! no need lah!! really!!

Ben: Haha I serious lei anyway i leaving school already so if u want its no problem

Me: And then do what??

Ben: Take u out of e meeting la haha. Then go home lor

Me: Aiyo no need no need! you go home lah!

Ben: Lol okay if you say so haha its at your loss!

And of coz I didn't want him to come!! inconvenience him only... but i just thought the conversation was so funny!! wonder if I said ok, would he really come? :))

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Thank God for everything so far! Life has been good and I'm loving it! macs :)

One more presentation and Chambers' concert on wed and I'm done :) RELAX :)

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09:35 |

The NUSChoir is honoured to lend a hand to raise funds for the victims of the calamities.

Please call to donate to help them!

News Article about Project Hope: http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/1011646/1/.html

The show will be televised tonight, 19 Oct 2009, 830pm, Channel 5 and Suria, and on TV Mobile and big screens at Ion!

(i'll be on TV!!) :)

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21:55 |

I realise I usually blog when I'm unhappy and stressed.

I'm both today.

Things didn't go very well today. Some are minor and I thought I was over it. But I guess it's amounting stress.

In the morning, I forgot that managing change meeting was at 12pm and happily thought it was 1pm. When Kian msged at 1145am that he would be 15 mins late, I was wondering why msg that when it's an hour away. When Huifang msged at 1205pm that they were at the benches already, I was wondering why she was so early! But well, the meeting was at 12pm and I forgot about it. I changed and grabbed my stuff and zooom! I was there at 1215pm!

Well, that seemed like a just a small mistake. But it was the start of bad things to come...

Meeting for managing change was good. And we had lunch together :) really love "intellectual" lunches and talking crap :) If only everyday could be like that...relax the afternoon away and chill...

OB meeting was at 230pm...with us strolling around computing trying to find a seat to discuss. why? Coz some people wanted aircon and didn't want to sit at the biz canteen, saying it would be easy to find seats there. But no...and we ended up spending 10 mins trying but yet ended up at the biz canteen. Best thing..there's this guy in the group who we elected as our project director aka team leader. when we finally settled down at biz canteen at 250pm (when meeting suppose to be 230pm at computing..), we called him and he said "eh, i thought you all finding place at computing?" wth..you mean WE were suppose and not US?? And he joined us only after we have decided on biz. 5 girls..waited for that 1 guy!

During the meeting, he shot ME and my decisions a few times. Seriously...we have discussed about that earlier on but NO ONE said ANYTHING!! NOTHING against what I proposed. And when I suggested that project team..was it because we were desparate and then we JUMPED into it??? I think we have clearly read what I said in the email. And now, you come up with a few ANALOGIES to tell us that what we have been doing is wrong! The more he gave, the more hurt i felt. It was like I shouldn't have gone into those trouble and suggesting and yet be shot down like that. I can accept criticisms. But i think you should have just phrased it nicely. And I really didn't like the QUIETNESS we had during the meeting. When I stated a point, there was SILENCE. And when I asked, "yes/no?" No one said anything. I asked again to break the silence and he said, "I'm thinking!"Like how long... and only he is thinking!! everyone else wasn't! So that was a waste of time!! There were more pockets of quietness and awkard silences.

Then we said ok...let's take out the points and find some questions that we can ask during the interview. So do it concurrently...but the guy just had to say, why don't we find the points first and THEN do the questions. Ok..so we did that...

And he kept changing minds, throwing in some useless comments...

I was quiet through the whole thing coz if I talked, I would have just blown up and walked off! I was trying soooo hard to keep my cool!

Finally when we were done with the points, and time to start on the question, he said, do you think it's like that? Why don't we split and go back and think of the questions. We are going nowhere. WE WERE GOING SOMEWHERE!! JUST THAT YOU AND YOUR COMMENTS WERE BLOCKING US!! yesyes..BLOCKING!! URGH! YOU WIN!

And so we had the points and we were going to split the work. we said 6 points, 1 person take 1. Ok. great :) just split ;) just one person takes 1 point to work on! good!

silence..

no one wants to say anything.

i said, ok, let's split. who wants what?

silence...

finally the project director speaks up and said he wants _____. but with angst. i could feel it...

and so everyone decides on one point.

and then when to collate, who to collate, when is the next time to meet...

took another freaking 15mins!!! with a lot of silence. Now, there's left me, 2 other girls and the guy. i gave a few suggestions like when we can get this done when etc..and the guy just goes no no no...but said NOTHING ELSE....so what's the best plan?? 15 mins later and still what I said 15 mins earlier became the plan...

I felt it was a total waste of time and a lot of ineffectiveness.

430pm. we were done. the guy said. ok, those that need to leave can leave. no one left and packed slowly. awkward silence. i couldnt leave coz i was waiting for the 2 girls to go off together.

before we left, i said, "I think we need to work on being more efficient. If this goes on, we waste a lot of time."

And I was BLACKFACED!!! I was trying soooo hard not to blow anymore. But if i could, I WOULD!

We left and I didn't talk to the other 2 about the project at all. Usually we would have a lot to say and spend every single second talking to each other. But we just had...SILENCE...

seriously pissed off and hurt...i really wonder how i'm going to work with HIM anymore and face the group. If this is the storming stage, I"M HATING IT!

I didn't want to draw conclusions of him earlier but the more i think about it, the more i am regretting having him in the group. Not that we have a choice. urgh...

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i have hit some nails for choir caroling and engagements...and i'm sadded...over the mistake i made. I'm really sorry...if that helps...

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I really looked forward to bible class and enjoyed it! But I think coz i was angry in the afternoon, that led me to be pissed easily. And so, i lost my patience. Questions were brought up in class which i knew and I felt a waste of time listening to the answers being repeated...

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The bus ride home made me emo... I spent the half an hour journey thinking. Reflecting on myself and my feelings...

I think I'm busy...very busy till i have no time to breathe. to stop and think... and be the person I am. Coz of that, I have lack of time and cannot stand people wasting time and being inefficient, resulting in my short comings.

And no..I'm still not alright with the project meeting and whatever happened.

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Quoting from a guy that I saw on the news just now, who was commenting about the loss of the mosque coz of the fire, "If I could cry, I would cry now.."

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14:06 | Labels: Tudou

爱到底

4 short love stories :)

Heartwarming, mind boggling, patience, thought, and fun :)

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19:54 | Labels: Youtube

An inspiration to all of us: Scott James

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01:16 | Labels: Concerts, Movies, SIS

21 SEPTEMBER 2009

First day as a GCO was very fun :) And I learnt a lot about customer care!

Thank God for this wonderful opportunity!

My first time with IL DIVO :)

From left: David, Sebastian, Urs and Carlos

Their new album - The Promise :)

My fav: Urs :) He has a wonderful tenor voice!

Know more about them here.

Thank you Michyyeoh and Yuans for the guidance :)

Another concert to add to the list :)

Musicals/Theatre/Concert:

1. Cinderella

2. Here Lies Love

3. CATS

4. Much Ado About Nothing

5. Video Games Live

6. Il Divo

Movies:

1. Terminator

2. Transformers

3. Angels and Demons

4. Murderer

5. Harry Potter

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00:48 |

I'm very proud and happy to see you on stage, for the first time, presenting a message from the word of God :)

Your little story at the beginning made me really glad for she taught me too that I can still be here today. Thanks Jie Elizabeth :)

I've found the love for God and Christ more today! :)

Ushering duty with Bro gave me a chance to talk to Bro for a full half an hour. Standing there, waiting for people to arrive, and to fill in the emptiness, Bro and I had a talk about academics, which was good enough :) I'm glad to have found out more about what he is doing in school and the things in which he was going through. And giving advices as a sis would do. Just so amazing how God gave us this opportunity!

Sis Irene walked by and she said, "so nice to see both of you talking! Not like others who quarrel..." yeah...when's the last time I quarreled with Bro?? Probably 10 years ago when he was still sitting in my barbie doll houses... I don't even quarrel or scold him when he comes back late or make mum angry. I tell him nicely...Is that why our sibling r/s didn't blossom well?

Some others commented saying they felt very good hearing cheerful hellos from us :) And so heartwarming to see bro and sis doing duty together, and wish their kids could be like us :)

Well, I must say I was very happy too :) Coz for the first time, I could have a good HTHT with Bro and to see him smile and greet people :) It's sometimes very difficult to get him to open his golden mouth. :)

Singing was great! Somehow just felt emotional while singing the songs... Like feel for Christ and his plight and how helpless we are...

And it was just amazing! I couldn't help but keep smiling as Lawrence presented his debut sermon. He taught in such systematic way and simplicity. And I found the meaning to Christianity once again. And what I've been always believing. Such blessed words from the bible.

Well done my friend :)

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01:19 |

Goodbye Siao Er!!

Have fun in California with your hot guys :)

We'll miss you back here in sunny Singapore!

Hope you settle down well in US. But please remember to come back home where your dearest friends and family are!

Did you see our little present to you? Hope it kept you company on the plane! <3

See you in 4 months time :)

A count down everyday...

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Thank God for the wonderful blessings of having such great buddies :)

Jia Minh, Ben, Lix, Daniel Lean, Gerald, Wee Wen and myself sent Siao Er off at the airport today. Left hall at 2pm and had a 1.5hours journey with these guys. The trip there was very fun and lighthearted. At the airport, they went crazy and started crapping a lot.. which was a great thing! They liven up the mood and didn't make it so emo... If it was just Ben, Lix and me, we would have flooded Changi Airport T3 already!! But coz of their crappiness, we didn't feel the sense of separation...

4 months isn't that fast and I think in a twinkle of an eye, we'll see her soon again :) There's always technology like Skype and MSN :) Just maybe not for the next few days :(

We went Popeyes after that to "study". Of course, with that bunch of guys, who can study?? Nonetheless, we satisfied our craving for Popeyes :) And studied probably 1 to 2 pages? >.<

1.5 hours travelling back with Ben, Jia Minh and Lix was great! Just got a bit emo about missing Siao Er...

Bon Voyage Erz :)

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03:54 |

There's been many wonderful things that have happened over the weeks! And of course some unhappy...

But I've kinda learnt how to let things go and take its course as how it would. Thanks to everyone who have shown their love and concerns :) I have learnt and am becoming a better person. And from here, picked up some things along the way from other's experience. I don't have to be going through it to learn.

And I hope I've helped these friends of mine so far...when they come to me with their problems, am I giving them the right advices?

Through this 2 months into hall life again, I must say that I've really learnt more and am more exposed to dangers. Well, not literally...but like human relations which causes matters to get very wary. I have learnt that not all people mean what they say. Duh...and why did I just learn that...Have been too lenient and naive over these people.

And I have learnt to stand up for reasons which I think are right. Like finally when i'm stepping down of something, I feel that I've learnt much a lot and feel like doing it again. But no no no, not going on that road again :) I've enjoyed and succeeded and will keep it that way. Time for others to take on that route now :)

A lot of say say don't do attitude have been seen and I really hope I don't fall into that trap. Especially with school work. Trying to keep up with it now. Soooon...let me stabilize my life first.

Put God first is the hard and fast rule. But it's been tough...

I want more time for myself and God...

This is just a reflective post and the next one, I hope, will be about the past events :)

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23:01 |

You know how some people say, don't call, write, talk to anyone when you are in anger?

I guess that's what you are going to read further down.

I must agree that seniors have the mindset and knowledge of how many things go. And they are always right coz they have seen the world more than I have. And there are many things which are so minor that were blown up just because one person sees it as a problem when everyone else doesn't.

The new drive: GROW UP! Think!! You yourself as an adult!!

Don't keep thinking "I won't say. I'll wait and see when they realise it." Please, if you don't say, others won't notice it and it won't be a problem! But just because you think that way, and you spread such little bits here and there to others, it becomes a problem!

I'm not keeping this in secret. Coz for all you know, my blog is one of those that they read. And to whoever else that is still following here, thank you. I've refrained from blogging about so many things coz I know the blog is of course open to many people to read about. And coz other people reads others blogs, and pick out mistakes and opinions out of there which blows up, I must say how technology has hurt human relations to the max.

We are not perfect. And the committee is not perfect. A new comm I must say, totally. Some not even been handling such nonsense or planning before. Little help and guidance. I must admit I really helped the comm a bit too late. I didn't poke my nose too much into their planning. I didn't think my role was to transcend whatever I was designated to do. A tinge of time too late. I prepared the comm for whatever may happen. But guess my memory was just too limited and I was unable to fully prepare. When it happened, I thought if it was alright, it should be fine. But no, people just kept it to memory, and mattered a lot to them, more than it mattered to me, and blew a big fuss over it. Of which, we couldn't prevent. But hey!! If you people could have PREDICTED such things, why are you even here! Go and be the PROPHET! Why didn't you realise that such things would happen and warn us about it? We already said, things that we can improve on, and not what was done wrong and whose fault was it!

The only good thing that was said was that "Oh yes, there were good things, but I can't remember."

See, people only remember the bad things that inputs in them a totally bad memory and making themselves feel better when they put others down. What ever happened to the good memories??

I'm really sorry to the comm who had to endure such trashings. Good experience eh? I had it worse last year. I feel that as elected and chosen people, we have the right to lead. And if you think we have made a seriously big mistake by killing you in the process of it, I'm sorry. But no, you are alive and sitting there, commenting about the whole, long process of it, digressing to super minute details, which could be spared.

Why didn't you think of writing an essay?? I'm sure that would have made the whole thing better. Since i think you would have done a great winning award one.

Nadnad, Bro and Bimbo, I miss you guys. I felt helpless. Like I wanted to stand up for the comm but I just let the big boss do the talking, which I must say he did a great job at protecting the comm. Just a bit too not to the point.

How many times must I tell myself to stop putting myself in such a great big danger of becoming emotional? I'm glad I was strong today to keep my peace and emotions at one corner. No no, maybe it wasn't too bad coz we had to break it off due to time constraints.

I miss the sec sch, jc days where the teachers say, you just do. Don't question. Why did we even give them the chance to speak? Coz they are seniors, they know what's best for us and we need to know how to improve on ourselves.

I'm not convinced.

And now that we are going overseas again next year, gives me more reason to think and think again if I want to put myself through such a droning trip. I'm not going to pay so much money to put myself through such an emotionally tiring trip again.

Case closed.

Let's move on.

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00:46 |

It's been ages!!! Since 7 May! That was the time when exams ended.

Yes, I'm back here to clean the cobwebs..

It's coming to the end of the internship with SCORE, Fri being the last day. And this holidays have been fairly routine with excitement in each area.

God has been fair and kind and loving towards me! But I must know how to learn to appreciate all that I have. Thank God for wonderful PARENTS :) Who have been with me all these while! Even though I see mum lesser than 2 mins a day. 1 min in the morning and 1 min at night. It's been a trying period and I know that they are always there for me!!

I was able to spend more time with Grandparents!! Especially on Sat after choir prac. I love this routine :) Grandparents are doing great!

Work was very meaningful! Giving others a 2nd chance and helping their families open a welcoming door to their loved ones...Even though work seems sometimes difficult and we just lapse into the "why am I doing this when I don't have to" mode, you just think of the many lives that you are saving. I have learnt much and am grateful for this opportunity :) [Building Bridges, Changing Lives]

I have spent quite some time with colleagues too! Making new friends :) Thank God for giving me such wonderful intern friends :) Kai Hong, Sophia, Malcolm, Diana! I've had fun with you guys :)

The preparation for Hangzhou competition for choir is doing great :) We are set to go!! WHEE!! but not me! I haven't started packing! There are so many things to do!! And it's great that we had the comm meeting together yesterday (Sun). Kinda got a better understanding how the comm works and what are the areas to improve on. Looking good :)

It's going to be a long hiatus till I blog again. Maybe not. I'll see how :)

Thank you to all who have been showing your encouragement and support to me through one way or another :) Appreciate it!

Loves,

Rach

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10:20 |

It's the last paper for AY0809!!

My 2nd year of Uni ends at 7pm!

I am so not confident for the paper today. Have no idea what to write in the exams. Have not finished reading the readings. Have the summaries but what help is it I wonder... Why doesn't SU options work for core modules?

It's been a great sem. Yet a screwed exam. I loved MUA3211 - Chambers Singers module : ) I loved MNO2302 - HR Management : ) Coz there was no exams : ) I loved BSP2005 - APAC (the paper today) coz I made new friends and a better friend - Valsie : ) I loved FIN2004 - Finance coz I understood a lot of things! but exam paper was bad... I loved ES2002 - Biz Comm coz I loved the powerpoints I made : ) Yes, there are still some things which I loved about my modules : ) Though I think results always shows otherwise.

And I loved HALL LIFE : ) With best friends all on the same wing : ) Ame, Lix, Erz, Luz, Esther!! 5th Flr shortwing girls rock!! Thanks for being there for me for the past 1 year. I am missing all of you now since I'm at home mugging for exams when all of you are done!!! Even Luz is in Europe already!!

There are sooo many good news to share! : )

The JC SYF was 2 days ago (on tues). Yes, I went even though I had to mug for an exam. Did the studying there! No comments about the choirs! Only congratulations!! Well done to MJCHOIR : ) The seniors are all very proud of you! Gold With Honours : )

Visit HERE for commentaries and results.

And thank you to everyone for their wellwishes : ) My interview on Mon went very well! : ) And I've got my intern. Will be starting on Mon at SCORE. Last day of work will be on 17 July and after that it'll be Hangzhou Competition! So I won't be having a holiday..And after hangzhou school starts. What a 3 month break.

Alright, back to my readings!

Will be watching my 4th musical for the year tonight with Huifang at Fort Canning Park : ) MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING! We'll be rushing off right after our paper! I can't wait! And Dianne just msged me to say she'll be there too : )

1. Cinderella

2. Here Lies Love

3. CATS

4. Much Ado About Nothing

: )

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21:42 |

17:52

The longest amount of time I've spoken to you!

On a phone : )

It's been so many years since I've long spoken to you on the phone!

Times are changing.

And I like this change : )

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15:50 |

I'm supposed to feel happy for you.

But yet, I am not.

I am acting as though I am.

Hypocritical.

I shouldn't have spent so much time helping you. You have too many people helping you. Now I feel useless. There are others out there who have more ability to help you.

Oh well, I am just not in the mood to be happy.

Congrats anyway.

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22:16 |

Thank you all for the encouragement since the last post : ) I have been back to visit them for lunch : ) and hopefully for more times in the holidays - which is still an unknown of what I am going to do then.

Applied for internships but no interviews :( Still holding on to a few hopes, one of which bimbo Juat helped me in : )

Exams are starting TMR!! Well, thank God I only have 3 papers!! If not I'll be pulling my hair out!

Biz Comm 24 April 9am

Finance 29 April 1pm

APAC 7 May 5pm

Yes...3 whole weeks...

Alright, back to the books : )

FYI! I watched CATS : ) What a MEMORY : )

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22:42 |

21 years..

...of being together.
...of love.
...of living under one roof.
...of scolding.
...of hardship.
...of celebrations.
...of travelling, going on holidays.
...of discipline.
...of education.

...of plane rides.
...of needing each other.
...of care.

...of shopping.

...of outings.

...of tv shows.

...of dinners.

...of lunches.

...of desserts.

...of suppers.

...of breakfasts.

...of car rides.

...of memories and counting.

AND MANY MORE.

There's so many countless things that I really want to do with the 2 of you. but time is just not on my side. I am selling myself, more like giving myself to hall, choir and studies that I have not seen you both for a month already. Projects are really taking up my time and presentations seem like a norm.

I'm giving up.

Sometimes I just wonder why did I put myself through so many things at the same time. Things just don't work out well in the end. With people letting us drown for a year and telling us right at the end that we are such failures. No..that's not the focus of today.

I want to just take a break from everything that I'm doing now. But things just need me to be so efficient. And prioritize is not something that I love to do. I am beginning to be too tired to even do things to the best. The perfectionist in me does work, but I'm too tired to do so.

I have procrastinated for soooo many things. Including the birthday presents for you. And even compromising the amount of telephone calls I have made to you. Not to mention visit you. School life is just so tough that it's sooooo far for me to visit you both. Yes, I know if I want and bother to, I can. Excuses.

One telephone call. And it got me all teary. EMO-me.

It was so great to hear your voice once again. And it just evokes the tap in me. I controlled. Talked about your health, knowing how tired you have become over so many things going on at home which I didn't even realise it was happening. We talked about the boys which was so light hearted : ) Am so glad they are doing very well! And we finally got on to the topic which I'm really fearing about.

I apologized for not going back for so long to see you both. And you said it's ok. I know you don't think it's ok. I know you want me home. And to stay there when I can. But I can't. You tell me to take care. To study hard. Not to worry about all at home. And I bite my lips, nodding my head as I listen to you talk.

I asked about him. And I know I wasn't going to take it well enough again. And you said, "For all you know, the next time you come, he wouldn't remember you anymore." And you said it so lightly. How heavy my heart was. I know it's becoming worse. But I just can't take it...I so want to fly, get there in the most fastest time that I could. I can't bear to see him forget me just like that...

The telephone call ended with very soft goodbyes from me while you told me how I have to take care of myself and not to worry about you. And how I should enjoy, travel and do what I want to do while I can. And I know you could sense I was already tearing and no words could come out of my mouth.

You both aren't young already I know...and life hasn't been good to you. Striking you with illnesses I don't want you to have; keeping your life at time bomb distances. And even losing your memory.

I need you both.

I really do.

I want to just stop everything and go to you right now. And I think that includes my internship.

I really miss living with you. Miss the late nights together coz of school. You sleeping and waking up just to wake me up coz I fell asleep on the table while studying. You teaching me how about life. And about sooo many other things.

I just want to walk this life with both of you for many more years. Please give me more time...and I really hope you'll both still be around to see me get married. My life won't be complete without you both...And I really need you to be there to see your little princess grow.

I know you'll never see this but I really need to let you know how much I really love you both...

The man who retired 21 years ago to take care of me. : )

The woman who never fails to listen to me rant.

To the 2 who love this lovely princess:

I LOVE YOU!

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10:29 |

What a busy week.

The brain and body are not working well.

There goes the energy.

And there goes all the time to do extra studying.

Committee meetings, project meetings, concerts, performances.

Every single minute is used!

Fulfilling life.

But I'm tired...

-----------------

From left: Me, Franz, Monique and Juat

Glutton's Bay

13 March 2009

Juat and I were busy with being an Artist Liaison for Dutch Pianist Monique Copper and her husband Franz from 12 March till 15 March.

More about her here: http://www.moniquecopper.nl/index.html

--------------

Got to get ready for AMPLITUDE concert later.

There goes another day.

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08:24 |

It's a screwed week...

So many presentations, reports, things to do...

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12:15 |

I'm very excited about tonight's NUSChoir concert!

Presenting Varsity Voices 2009: Musica Moderna!

Date: 21 Feb 2009

Time: 730pm

Venue: University Cultural Centre Hall, NUS

Featuring works of renowned composer of modern choral works, Eric Whitacre, as well as other contemporary takes on sacred music, NUS Choir invites you to embark on this journey with us as we unlock a treasure trove of meanings behind these gems. Allow us to show you brilliantly woven tapestries of love, spirituality and nature that were created during this age. So embrace the experience and allow the music to inspire you with fresh perspectives of life.

How and Where to get tickets:

Concert tickets are priced at $15 (excluding $1 SISTIC booking fee). Schools are eligible to purchase tickets under either schemes.

1. Current promotion of early bird sales valid only till 8 Feb 2009. Tickets are at $12 (excluding $1 SISTIC booking fee) Get your tickets now at SISTIC or from any Choir member!

2. School offer - For every purchase of 10 regularly priced tickets, get a complimentary ticket free! This order has to be placed with the Choir and not through SISTIC.

For enquiries, please email us at VarsityVoices2009@gmail.com.

Or visit us at our Blog or facebook event page.

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As of now, we have already sold our target of about 800 tix and have opened up the top level too! : ) It's really exciting to know that we are going to perform to a full house again and we don't have to worry about not being able to sell our tix : )

Really happy for NUSChoir!

Yesterday's rehearsal was good! And I am looking forward to Cloudburst! It's going to be a surprise and I hope it's going to be a good surprise!

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With this concert, Fun Com ends its term here. And I'm feeling a bit teary when I think about it! It's been a great year, though with some ups and downs, but I'm glad I could work with this group of people! Thank you Fun Com! Thank you Nad and Michelle for all guidance, patience and love! : )

Thank you to my dear lovely Marcom - Arti, Norma, Carol, Che Min, Huiling and Thorn Yuheng : ) For putting in so much effort into calling and promoting the concert : )