...of shopping.

...of outings.

...of tv shows.

...of dinners.

...of lunches.

...of desserts.

...of suppers.

...of breakfasts.

...of car rides.

...of memories and counting.

AND MANY MORE.

There's so many countless things that I really want to do with the 2 of you. but time is just not on my side. I am selling myself, more like giving myself to hall, choir and studies that I have not seen you both for a month already. Projects are really taking up my time and presentations seem like a norm.

I'm giving up.

Sometimes I just wonder why did I put myself through so many things at the same time. Things just don't work out well in the end. With people letting us drown for a year and telling us right at the end that we are such failures. No..that's not the focus of today.

I want to just take a break from everything that I'm doing now. But things just need me to be so efficient. And prioritize is not something that I love to do. I am beginning to be too tired to even do things to the best. The perfectionist in me does work, but I'm too tired to do so.

I have procrastinated for soooo many things. Including the birthday presents for you. And even compromising the amount of telephone calls I have made to you. Not to mention visit you. School life is just so tough that it's sooooo far for me to visit you both. Yes, I know if I want and bother to, I can. Excuses.

One telephone call. And it got me all teary. EMO-me.

It was so great to hear your voice once again. And it just evokes the tap in me. I controlled. Talked about your health, knowing how tired you have become over so many things going on at home which I didn't even realise it was happening. We talked about the boys which was so light hearted : ) Am so glad they are doing very well! And we finally got on to the topic which I'm really fearing about.

I apologized for not going back for so long to see you both. And you said it's ok. I know you don't think it's ok. I know you want me home. And to stay there when I can. But I can't. You tell me to take care. To study hard. Not to worry about all at home. And I bite my lips, nodding my head as I listen to you talk.

I asked about him. And I know I wasn't going to take it well enough again. And you said, "For all you know, the next time you come, he wouldn't remember you anymore." And you said it so lightly. How heavy my heart was. I know it's becoming worse. But I just can't take it...I so want to fly, get there in the most fastest time that I could. I can't bear to see him forget me just like that...

The telephone call ended with very soft goodbyes from me while you told me how I have to take care of myself and not to worry about you. And how I should enjoy, travel and do what I want to do while I can. And I know you could sense I was already tearing and no words could come out of my mouth.

You both aren't young already I know...and life hasn't been good to you. Striking you with illnesses I don't want you to have; keeping your life at time bomb distances. And even losing your memory.

I need you both.

I really do.

I want to just stop everything and go to you right now. And I think that includes my internship.

I really miss living with you. Miss the late nights together coz of school. You sleeping and waking up just to wake me up coz I fell asleep on the table while studying. You teaching me how about life. And about sooo many other things.

I just want to walk this life with both of you for many more years. Please give me more time...and I really hope you'll both still be around to see me get married. My life won't be complete without you both...And I really need you to be there to see your little princess grow.

I know you'll never see this but I really need to let you know how much I really love you both...