Lack of sleep = tired = running wild imaginations

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I kept thinking of many things today, feeling emo over things which I shouldn't be now. And I don't know why I'm worrying about it! Maybe I have figured out somethings that I really want in life. It's just uncertain. Even the things that I was affirmative about just got me all wavering again.

One of it was going Europe with nooschoir.

I was sure and confirmed that I do not want to go. But that a few weeks ago.

Today, I feel like I want to be with them. Am I feeling this way after having so much fun with them over the week that I really do not want to miss out on it again? Or is it coz of someone/people/other reason that I'm thinking that way?

I already told myself that I can't go! And I should just STOP thinking about it!

1. No money (~$2.5k) And my parents are definitely not going to support me with the finances. They already told me that when I wanted to go Hangzhou this July. I paid for almost the full expenses of HZ (~$1.5k).

2. Time is not a factor. If I want, I definitely can juggle just as how I did this summer hols. But there are other factors branching out from here.

- Internship. I really want to do another intern. Esp HR side. Would I be able to find a company so accommodating that i can take leave in between in June?

- Hall. There's lots of planning to do for 30th events!

- Travelling. I dread travelling back to school for practices :( sadly to say...

3. Family. I wanted to keep the europe experience to be with them...

4. Meetings. I would still be in the comm and have to attend all those late night meetings. I don't want. I want to JUST SING!

And would I waver again if people tell me they want me to go? I don't know what is my deciding factor this time. To even think about it means I haven't closed the case in my own mind. I'm still giving myself a chance I guess.

But I really love singing and performing! And competing of course. Travelling with choir this time would probably be my last since I may not be able to travel when I start working...And it's the people who are going...

I'm torn.

And why am I thinking about this now?? Closing date is in Jan coz paper work and all has to be settled. But I definitely can't make a decision by then!

- Where am I going to get the money?

- Can I find a company by then for my intern??

- Would I regret going/not going?

Darn..I hate being in such a situation..someone tell me how :(

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And I'm getting really bitchy while writing my reflection paper for one of the modules. I write as though the person is very bad. I shall be nice and cut down on it. So much for being honest.

Will continue writing the reflection paper tmr. Oh yah..and even so, I have to be politically correct for that paper...

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Gab sent us the music files from Chambers' Concert last week. O Nata Lux by Morten Lauridsen is on my iTunes repeat! Lovely :)

Love this sem's Chamber Singers and I'm missing them now :(

This is the best module I've ever taken and I'm so glad we can be "alumni" for it :)

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I guess I'll be blogging more for the next few days :) Shall be updating the surprise parties soon :) And many other things!

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I should be studying :X

Leaving you with a pic which I'm using for all my profiles :)

Thanks to JoelYeo for his good photog skills :)