With too many things on my plate.

I want to let something go and that's troubling me...for those who have been concerned! Thank you!

I've talked to Ziwei about it and she said if they are my friends they would let me...But I'm just feeling so bad. I really have no choice. If I were to choose, of course something that makes me happy and something that I would think benefits the ones I love. I don't know how to bring this across to the people. I'm going to be hated and there goes my friendship with so many. I'm going to seem irresponsible and all...but these few days at home allowed me to realise my life isn't just about that. I have so many more things I want to do. And it just doesn't give me the time to take on something I have to love coz I'm in it. I must admit, it was a rash decision. And I thought I could drop something and take on that. But I can't. My love for choir is always there and it won't change.

And since I'm in charge of caroling, I have been staring at the rosters day in and out. I'm stressed at it coz I want things to go well and perfectly well!! But its just impossible. And worried that some places just don't have that good singers and would feel scary. We should be making music and not damage control! And when I tell ( ), he says "trust in God. He will provide." Of course...but God did say "He who helps himself!" If we don't do something, there's nothing God will do...

And another says "what is the concern here?" duh...can't you see the problem???

Anyway, its getting on my nerves and I thought I'd take it easy this year. Say it once again - NO MORE NEXT YEAR! But everytime i say it, I do it again...

Results out tmr. I will make a decision tmr... And if that is going to hurt the rest of the people in hall..I'm sorry. Going to be selfish once again. And if that means to leave hall, I'm prepared. I have nothing more to hold on. Sorry...

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My life has changed a bit and some decisions are being changed of the recent events lately...Dinners with some people just can make me reflect on my life. I mean, I know I am such, but I don't want to carry on like this...

And with someone suddenly treating me so nice ever, is causing me to lose my logical sense in me. I found the courage to love once again. And I hope it doesn't back fire...as always...It seems but yet it doesn't. And no, nothing is confirmed. It's only my feelings that is causing me to falter...

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This post is depressing. And so am I. I don't know what to do...