I'm both today.

Things didn't go very well today. Some are minor and I thought I was over it. But I guess it's amounting stress.

In the morning, I forgot that managing change meeting was at 12pm and happily thought it was 1pm. When Kian msged at 1145am that he would be 15 mins late, I was wondering why msg that when it's an hour away. When Huifang msged at 1205pm that they were at the benches already, I was wondering why she was so early! But well, the meeting was at 12pm and I forgot about it. I changed and grabbed my stuff and zooom! I was there at 1215pm!

Well, that seemed like a just a small mistake. But it was the start of bad things to come...

Meeting for managing change was good. And we had lunch together :) really love "intellectual" lunches and talking crap :) If only everyday could be like that...relax the afternoon away and chill...

OB meeting was at 230pm...with us strolling around computing trying to find a seat to discuss. why? Coz some people wanted aircon and didn't want to sit at the biz canteen, saying it would be easy to find seats there. But no...and we ended up spending 10 mins trying but yet ended up at the biz canteen. Best thing..there's this guy in the group who we elected as our project director aka team leader. when we finally settled down at biz canteen at 250pm (when meeting suppose to be 230pm at computing..), we called him and he said "eh, i thought you all finding place at computing?" wth..you mean WE were suppose and not US?? And he joined us only after we have decided on biz. 5 girls..waited for that 1 guy!

During the meeting, he shot ME and my decisions a few times. Seriously...we have discussed about that earlier on but NO ONE said ANYTHING!! NOTHING against what I proposed. And when I suggested that project team..was it because we were desparate and then we JUMPED into it??? I think we have clearly read what I said in the email. And now, you come up with a few ANALOGIES to tell us that what we have been doing is wrong! The more he gave, the more hurt i felt. It was like I shouldn't have gone into those trouble and suggesting and yet be shot down like that. I can accept criticisms. But i think you should have just phrased it nicely. And I really didn't like the QUIETNESS we had during the meeting. When I stated a point, there was SILENCE. And when I asked, "yes/no?" No one said anything. I asked again to break the silence and he said, "I'm thinking!"Like how long... and only he is thinking!! everyone else wasn't! So that was a waste of time!! There were more pockets of quietness and awkard silences.

Then we said ok...let's take out the points and find some questions that we can ask during the interview. So do it concurrently...but the guy just had to say, why don't we find the points first and THEN do the questions. Ok..so we did that...

And he kept changing minds, throwing in some useless comments...

I was quiet through the whole thing coz if I talked, I would have just blown up and walked off! I was trying soooo hard to keep my cool!

Finally when we were done with the points, and time to start on the question, he said, do you think it's like that? Why don't we split and go back and think of the questions. We are going nowhere. WE WERE GOING SOMEWHERE!! JUST THAT YOU AND YOUR COMMENTS WERE BLOCKING US!! yesyes..BLOCKING!! URGH! YOU WIN!

And so we had the points and we were going to split the work. we said 6 points, 1 person take 1. Ok. great :) just split ;) just one person takes 1 point to work on! good!

silence..

silence..

no one wants to say anything.

i said, ok, let's split. who wants what?

silence...

silence...

finally the project director speaks up and said he wants _____. but with angst. i could feel it...

and so everyone decides on one point.

and then when to collate, who to collate, when is the next time to meet...

took another freaking 15mins!!! with a lot of silence. Now, there's left me, 2 other girls and the guy. i gave a few suggestions like when we can get this done when etc..and the guy just goes no no no...but said NOTHING ELSE....so what's the best plan?? 15 mins later and still what I said 15 mins earlier became the plan...

I felt it was a total waste of time and a lot of ineffectiveness.

430pm. we were done. the guy said. ok, those that need to leave can leave. no one left and packed slowly. awkward silence. i couldnt leave coz i was waiting for the 2 girls to go off together.

before we left, i said, "I think we need to work on being more efficient. If this goes on, we waste a lot of time."

And I was BLACKFACED!!! I was trying soooo hard not to blow anymore. But if i could, I WOULD!

We left and I didn't talk to the other 2 about the project at all. Usually we would have a lot to say and spend every single second talking to each other. But we just had...SILENCE...

seriously pissed off and hurt...i really wonder how i'm going to work with HIM anymore and face the group. If this is the storming stage, I"M HATING IT!

I didn't want to draw conclusions of him earlier but the more i think about it, the more i am regretting having him in the group. Not that we have a choice. urgh...

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i have hit some nails for choir caroling and engagements...and i'm sadded...over the mistake i made. I'm really sorry...if that helps...

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I really looked forward to bible class and enjoyed it! But I think coz i was angry in the afternoon, that led me to be pissed easily. And so, i lost my patience. Questions were brought up in class which i knew and I felt a waste of time listening to the answers being repeated...

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The bus ride home made me emo... I spent the half an hour journey thinking. Reflecting on myself and my feelings...

I think I'm busy...very busy till i have no time to breathe. to stop and think... and be the person I am. Coz of that, I have lack of time and cannot stand people wasting time and being inefficient, resulting in my short comings.

And no..I'm still not alright with the project meeting and whatever happened.

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Quoting from a guy that I saw on the news just now, who was commenting about the loss of the mosque coz of the fire, "If I could cry, I would cry now.."