Delight in simple things!

Jealousy is eating into me again. And again. How is life after may going to change? It's always like a new addition to the family being a threat to me. I never agreed.

I don't have to be the first to know, but I hate it when I don't know and everyone else knows and I should here most affected by it.

I tell you, I am jealous.

I don't want change.

Much as it is for my good.

Well let's see what happens after May... Maybe I will see a different light.

Today's sermon by bro Patrick Swayne just pierces with the problems that I've been facing. Make time for God. Seek the kingdom first... I want that. But I'm struggling with so much guilt from work and overloads.

祝大家新年快乐，心想事成，永远开心！最重要身心健康！红包拿多多！：）

Some how when you have let things go, and dismissed it as a habit, things seem clearer and less heavy weighted on the shoulders.

Naturally that went through a period of rough times, broken hearts and multiple teary nights... And times of feeling stupid. But that's all part of growing up.

Yes, I'm still growing up.

And that's why these relationships never last. I need to stop raising my expectations.

But at the end of today, I can safely say I'm trying to be normal. Give me a little while more and I'll be alright once again.

It's always this time of the year, strangely...

I'm just missing your messages...

相爱容易，相处难。
找一个爱你比你爱过他的人。

There must be a reason why all of these things are happening. God gives me so many awesome friends and makes my mood really hyper about everything else. But when it doesn't go the way that I was thinking about, it all dies a hill top rolling down experience. Just another way of making me stronger, I guess?

Maybe it wasn't meant to be?

All that hope raising and attention I was getting. All that friendly messages and offers I was receiving. It's all a scam. All a fantasy.

There's a reason why there was an initial attraction. And that it got too much and too tiring.

When others start talking about you, and you lose your footing in this game, you are gone.

And that's how a stupid rumour got our lives all messed up again. I admit I was rather stupid in doing so. Thought I was brave enough now to go ahead with it. But looks like it didn't work out. I'm definitely not trying again in a while. Just want to get out of this mess first and let life go back to normal.

Life goes on. And he's probably not the one. He wasn't and never will.

'Am I giving up too easily?' could be a question.

I've decided to send him a message soon to clear the air. And misunderstandings. But just thinking about it, how did i get so thick skinned about things?

I hope things will go in a direction where we'll be back to the mysterious days of just knowing each other as colleagues...

And so I've gone all nuts - I think - about someone. Nuts in the extent where I try to start a conversation even though I told myself I was not going to, like not talk to that person at all TODAY. But it never would happen.

I've also been hoping to see him being online, because then I know he's at home and not outside.

But then I think he's beginning to find me irritating. I just want to talk to him :(

And a habit probably it was where 2 Sun nights he came by, picked me and off we went for Starbucks.

So for the past 2 Suns I have been silently hoping.

Nope, nothing happened.

The little devil in my head has been incessantly said "Told you already, he's just being very nice."

So what? Is there no chance?