1-Litre of Tears
Thanks to Lizhen who told me about this a million times!
Happy 2009 to everyone!
Lots of Love,
Rachel
I just have to be hit by news that I didn't want to know if I didn't have to know.
It's like showing that your friendship is worth more than my friendship with that same person.
Stop it ok! Coz I don't want to know what you are going to do with that person and that that person invites you out and you are going to have a very good time, and still ask how come I'm not invited or there when others are.
I'm trying to get myself out of this quicksand. But each time, I get pulled back in with having to overcome all these news that is hit at me. I am giving in a lot of courage and strength by stopping myself and changing this whole relationship and mindset that I have. So stop pulling me back into this dilemma and emotional state again.
I don't want to know. If this is your way of making yourself better then go ahead. But do it to others who have no concern at all coz you're hurting me. Do it to someone else who treats this person like a friend and no others. I'm still trying. So don't hurt me further.
Sometimes I just wish I didn't start it. Or didn't have feelings at all. Coz I know no matter how hard I try, I need a very long time to pull myself out of it. Emotions get the better of me. And though I know the two of you won't work out, I just don't like the fact that you click better with this person more than me. Or are you just showing off. Coz I do have times where I think I can show off too but I just don't.
I hate this feeling...
I'll be home for Christmas...
NOT...
I'll be at Shangri-La hotel : )
Will be caroling there from 12pm to 930pm.
Have been having a really busy week. And I can't believe that everything is ending tomorrow!!! Preparation started in May, confirmations and invitations along the way! And now, performance is over!
I really enjoyed myself for the past few days : ) Singing in different positions, learning how to adapt to situations, memorising carols!! Whew! It's been one exciting week!
I found out through this course that people find me worried and stressed over things. But in actual fact, I'm not. Hmm...do I just have the default worried feel?
It's been great working on this project : ) VV'09 is the next big thing up!!
It's been great working with Nad, Mich and Harris too. And I really marvel at Nad for taking up such a heavy responsibility role. It's not easy being a president!! And she doubles up as a conductor : )
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The impromptu and really last min decided meetup with Ziwei and zhen was really fun : )
I met Ziwei after my caroling and we went to Starbucks at Millenia Walk. I had some meatloaf patty thing and a White Chocolate Mocha with Coffee base. YUMMY : ))
The conversation with Ziwei was rather mean. But not really personally mean. Heheh!! Ziwei you know i don't mean it : ) I was really glad we met up! Coz i think the next time I see you will be at airport, seeing you off : (
And meeting Zhen and eating her pizza lighted up my heart : ) Friend, you can bake!! HEHE : )))
And walking around Suntec's Fountain of Wealth with Precious Moments statues reminds me how precious you girls are to me : )
It's been a long day!
Hilton at 3pm
Forum at 5pm
Conrad at 730pm.
Of all these places, I love Conrad the most : ) Coz I love standing in quartet!
Last night, Glenn was on my left and Huaizhi on my right. My left ear was gone.
Today, Huaizhi to my left and GABRIEL to my right! His HO HO HO MERRRY CHRISTMAS made me deaf in the right ear.
I just pray for everything to go smoothly tmr.
And may I have a good voice. A few more days of caroling!
A Fri afternoon at home. How weird. With Little Nonya and Hello Kitty!!
Nad told me there's HELLO KITTY on a show which I never knew they did!
Well, to think when everyone has plans to go out after the performance at University Hall, I didn't. I didn't even know where I wanted to go. Arranged to meet Ziwei for dinner coz I didn't want to be home alone for the night. But well, she's sick and I guess should let her rest more. And I thought I would be ok but the flu is beginning to get worse now.
The performance at Uni-hall today went well! The sops were just a little under. I was sniffing and kinda down with a little flu. Yet I still sang. I seriously shouldn't have. 1 bad singer requires 3 good singers to cover up....I'm sorry!!
and I'm thinking if I should sing tmr...there are enough people for tmr. I must get well in time for tmr night at Conrad. It's going to be Close book!! And I really hope I can remember the lyrics.
It's going to be a hectic day tmr with 4 shows from 1pm to 830pm.
Here's our performance schedule for tmr.
1pm - Marina Square
3pm - Hilton Shopping Gallery
5pm - Forum Shopping Mall
730pm - Conrad Centennial Hotel
Do stay and listen if you happen to be in those areas ok!
I'm going to rest.
May the flu be gone..
I'm at Ah Ma, Ah Kong's house : )
It's been a great day!
Stayed in hall overnight coz there was CD burning session yesterday and I was tooo lazy to go back home.
Spent the afternoon watching Heroes Season 1 with Ames : ) It's a freaky show and I was glad I watched it with someone. I probably would be eeking out if I watched alone! Ah..but Ames has got me started and hooked onto it now!
Left for grandparents place with da xiang (who was on the way to Vivo) about 520pm and we took 30. Silly me thought 30 goes to behind TKGS that bus stop so that I can change to (many buses to choose from). But I was wrong! I dozed off on the bus and good thing woke up in time to alight earlier! If not, I think I'll be sitting all the way to Bedok!
Went Parkway Parade shopping with Ah Ma and said Hi to bimbo as WE caroled. Did lots of walking and shopping, which I really did not want to buy. But Ah Ma just said buy!! And no matter how I tried to stop her, she and the other 2 shop assistants refused to stop me from agreeing.
Just managed to Skype with Mum and Dad! They look like they are really enjoying themselves in Paris! Maybe not enjoying coz of scenery etc..but I think them having each other as company is good enough for them :)
I'm happy :)
Alright! Ciao~
I had a depressing night.
But a wonderful day.
Yes...a depressing night.
I shouldn't have asked. Knowing too much now is taking a toll on me. Again.
I never learn.
Teach me! someone!
To keep myself from knowing too much.
Tell me how to pull myself away from this pain in me.
The ones who light up my life like the stars in the sky...
I hope I'll move on...
Jie is here to stay for the night. yea..after all that cleaning up i did last night and mum did this afternoon. Hehe!
But yea, I'm happy to have her over.
As at most sleepovers, we had a little chat that lasted about 2 hours...it just ended not too long ago..
It was quite a emotional conversation. We had pockets of time that we would start being teary and soured but it didn't flow out.
Seeing her go through this tough period and emotional attachments, I'm worried...
Much as i have been thinking that I'll take my time, I'm still young...don't worry...
But now...as people have been asking and talking about it, I am thinking...
I won't succumb to pressure. That's for sure. I'll take it as it comes. But I just can''t help thinking about it.
I pray for her. I pray for myself... I pray for all who need love...
Well, this world needs love.
One thing assuring that came out of the conversation is that: God will lead us and guide us. He will provide a way.
And there are so many people in this same situation. I'm sure I'll pull through.
I'm sure I'll find the right guy.
And I'm happy to have found out and shared something that has been troubling me for a long time.
Thank you jie.
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